I set out to find some patterns in the words people choose in their online dating profiles. The main interesting pattern I found was that women use the word “love” over “like” by a ratio of about 3 to 2. Guys use the word “like” over “love” by a ratio of about 4 to 3. Here’s some nice word art of the raw data (from match.com profiles in Chicago) Continue reading ‘Guys like, girls love’ »

I’ve told you plenty about what you should do with your online dating profile; but here’s some don’ts. These mostly apply to the guys, but ladies, watch out for some of this stuff, too. Continue reading ‘Top 10 Mistakes in Online Dating Profiles’ »

Writing an online dating profile is the most daunting part of online dating; but there’s little else so critical to your success. Since it is such a challenge, it’s no surpise that many profiles are clearly given very little thought – either by being incredibly short, non-descript, or downright cliché.

It’s no wonder why so many profiles begin to the tune of “it’s so hard to write about yourself,” but understanding yourself well enough to create a profile that represents you well is a healthy process. With a little guidance, your online dating profile can stand out from the millions of others to present the interesting you. A well-written profile will not only ensure that you receive responses when you make first contact; but will attract and motivate potential matches into contacting you – making your online dating experience easier, more enjoyable, and more successful. Continue reading ‘How to write an online dating profile’ »

There’s one very simple piece of advice you can follow to improve your online dating profile, and profile photos, and online dating messages tremendously: inject all of them with as many conversation nuggets as you possibly can.

• What is a conversation nugget? Simply, something specific and potentially interesting that can be the subject of a conversation.
• How can I start using conversation nuggets? For everything you have in your profile, photos, or messages, ask yourself “how could this start a conversation?”
  • Instead of the photo of you with a bunch of random friends, share the photo of you drinking a gigantic beer at Oktoberfest.
  • Instead of saying in your profile that you like Indian Food, name which restaurant is your favorite. Instead of saying that you’re thinking of getting a dog, say what breed you plan to get and why. Better yet, pose the question right in your profile: “should I get a Beagle or a Boston Terrier?”
  • Instead of sending a message to a match asking her about her proclaimed nutrition expertise, tell her you just ate a bunch of broccoli, and you swear you can feel the detoxifying enzymes in your body ask, “is this possible?” in one-line hook form.

Continue reading ‘Conversation Nuggets in Online Dating’ »

So, you’ve made first contact with someone of interest (hopefully you used the who’s viewed me shuffle and/or the one-line hook), and now you want to go on a date with them. Here are a few guidelines on how to do that. First of all, it’s better to meet very early on than to let things drag on by chatting on IM or the phone for a long time. The good girls can go very fast, things can fizzle out fast online, and you never know who will disappoint you when you meet in person, so it’s best to get right to it. Things will vary from social group to social group, but in late 20′s to early 30′s in a major metropolitan area, I have always met within a few e-mails. My typical progression may go like this:

• First contact: who’s viewed me shuffle followed by a view-back, or a wink from her, then a one-line hook
• A response from her, giving me more conversation nuggets to work with
• An e-mail digging deeper on the conversation threads, followed by a request to meet.

Building Interest With First Contact

For reference, imagine there’s a girl who has cleverly put in her profile: “I’m new to town, are there any good Thai restaurants here?” (You should put conversation nuggets like this in your profile). My one-line hook message might look like this:

Are you still looking for great Thai food? I looked for the longest time, but I finally tried a place called Tiparo’s on Clark street, and it was great! They have the best pumpkin curry I’ve had since my days in SF. Have you tried that place yet?

Best,
Russ

That’s a pretty long first message, probably more appropriate if you’ve elicited a wink using the who’s viewed me shuffle, but here’s a little breakdown:

• I’ve shown that I’m paying attention by referring to something from her profile.
• I’ve spoken of specifics: (or conversation nuggets) a specific restaurant, a specific dish. This makes the conversation richer so there’s more for her to respond to. “Pumpkin Curry” is way more interesting than “good food.” I even threw a city that I have experience with just in case she has interest in talking about that.
• I’ve ended with a question and stayed on one subject. The message is easy to respond to: there’s only two total questions, both about Thai restaurants. Yet, the message is rich with specifics that she can use to open other conversation threads.
• I’ve set up some good fodder for a date idea. You can bet that if we go out to eat, we’ll try a Thai place.

So hypothetically, let’s say she responds like this:

Good to hear from you, Russ! Yes, I have finally gotten settled in, and found a good Thai place, but I haven’t tried Tiparo’s yet. I really like Pot Pan – it’s right down the street from my house, so I go there often. They don’t have Pumpkin Curry, though – that sounds soooo good!

SF is my favorite city. Have you ever tried the Japanese Ramen place there called Katana Ya? I wish I had known in my college days that Ramen could be that good :P Why did you move?

-Rachel

Awesome. Exactly what we want. Not only is she glad to hear from us, we’ve found common ground with her: Thai food, San Francisco (we have tried that restaurant), she wants to try this Pumpkin Curry, and she wants to know more about us.

Making it Easy

At this point, we haven’t built a ton of rapport with her, so we may be more comfortable sending a message without a date request; but if you’ve gotten this much enthusiasm, strike while the iron is hot:

Good to meet you, Rachel. YES, as a matter of fact, I have gone to Katana Ya. I used to eat lunch there at least once a week. Wow, you have me craving Ramen now (unfortunately, not the kind you can get at the corner store).

My move is a long exciting story (and I have to leave some mystery, you know :P) but I just love this city and I wanted to try something new. Do you want to get a drink with me this week? I’m free Tuesday and Wednesday night at 8pm. Have you been to Beachwood Inn before? We could meet there since it’s in your area. Let me know what works for you, or feel free to give me a call at 402-555-1234.

Best,
Russ

So, in this message, I have dug deeper into the conversation thread by responding to some of the elements she had in her previous message. I’ve told her a little bit about her question, but I’ve been playful and left some conversation for when we meet later. Finally I’ve made a great request for a date. Notice these points:

• I’ve picked a place that’s convenient for her. Wow, I’m listening to her, and making it easy for her to meet me. I extrapolated from the restaurant she said she lived near what neighborhood she lives in. If I don’t know of a place there, I can check Yelp.com to find a place with a good atmosphere for conversation.
• I’ve been specific with times and dates, and I’ve given two options so we have less back-and-forth trying to get our schedules to match up.

We are making it very easy for her to decide on this. A beautiful girl has dozens, if not hundreds, of e-mails from guys. Think of how much easier it is to respond to this than “wanna hang out sometime?” Notice that I have gently offered up my phone number. This is a little gutsy, and it may be wiser to wait to give that until after I’ve gotten a date confirmation (“if you need to get in touch, give me a call at…”). You’re a busy guy with lots of dates, and you don’t want strange girls calling you any more than she wants strange guys doing so. I’ve been bold and offered it up here just to make setting a date easier.

Notice that I used our shared interest in Thai food to build rapport, but I didn’t suggest it for a first date. Your style may turn out differently, but I like to save dinner for the second date. I like to just get a drink to see how we get along and make sure she’s who I thought she was. So, I’m managing this risk by suggesting a date that can be as short, or as long, as we wish. Also note, that I didn’t ask for a Friday, a Saturday, or even a Thursday for a date. That’s valuable social real estate, and if it isn’t taken up on your calendar, it is taken up on a beautiful woman’s.

Also, because our first messages were about Thai food, we have the idea of a Thai dinner floating around in both of our heads to keep us excited for the next date (not to mention another easy decision).

So, meet as soon as possible, and make it as easy as possible for her to accept the date by picking a convenient place, specific times and dates, and at least two options. Following these tips along with a strong profile, and good first contact strategies should make securing dates a breeze.

I came across something I hadn’t seen before: a woman’s profile who left her “body type” blank. Nuh uh, I said – you have to answer that one for me to consider you!

Of course, I know enough about looking out for the angles, that it’s hard to fool me when it comes to this question. But to me, it’s a self-confidence, and self-comfort issue if a woman doesn’t either answer this, or provide a clear body shot.

In general, do women sandbag in this category? This coule be a product of my aforementioned expertise, but in my experience, not really. Or, if they do, maybe I’ve just managed to adjust?

Continue reading ‘What online dating questions are okay to not answer?’ »

Personally, I don’t pay a great deal of attention to a screenname on an online profile, but according to one study choosing the right screenname is important. Turns out that names like “fun2bewith” or “imsweet” tended to rank highly. But watch out, guys – don’t get too cute. Women were weary of names that were too flirtatious, while names that suggested a guy was well-cultured did alright.

What’s my recommendation? One of the most important goals of your online profile is to provide little conversation nuggets for when you finally do meet your dream woman. Sure, one of the other goals is to get her interested, but these things go hand in hand. So, I recommend going with something very personal or specific, and have a story ready for that inevitable question of what it means.

For example, let’s say you choose the screenname ”tratdigiorno,” because there was a romantic trattoria that you used to walk by when you were 12 years old, and when you looked at it, you thought to yourself “some day I’d like to take a gal there.” Boom – you have a screenname that is mysterious, original, personal, and with a great story to go along with it – and ultimately memorable. Pick your own, real story and screenname, though :) Some other things that may inspire your winning screenname may be literary or movie characters, food, influential people in your life, etc.. Whatever it is, the important traits are that it is specific/personal, and that it has a good story to go along with it, and that it’s all real.

Link via: The Dating Weblog

There are few prospects more daunting than summing yourself up in a few hundred words on an online dating profile. Look around at enough women’s profiles, and you’re sure to see something to the effect of “it’s so hard to write about myself” time and time again. Some won’t even bother trying and will settle for a couple short sentences. Many who do write a profile end up with one rife with clichés A beautiful woman can certainly get away with this, and writing about yourself is difficult, but unfortunately guys, you can’t take the same route.

This is one of the reasons you shouldn’t write the “About me” section of your Match.com profile about you. You should write it about your dream woman – in the second person. Continue reading ‘Writing the “About Me” Section of Your Match.com Profile’ »

There are two important tips to follow before you begin your Match.com profile, or any online dating profile. Or hell, before you date at all:

1. Get your shit together. You’ve heard it a million times, “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else,” and it’s true. To say something more appropriate along a similar vein “you have to know who you are before you can write about it.” If you can’t figure out who you are, you probably aren’t ready to date. Be honest with yourself about this one.
2. Find your archetype. Now that you know who you are, you need a simple archetype to live by to guide your decision-making. Are you the artist, the jock, the shy guy, the adventurer, the secure provider, the joker, the intellectual, etc.. Women will have an easier time digesting just who you are if you keep it simple. We’re accurately portraying the interesting you, but there will be plenty of time for your dream woman to get to know all of the nuances of your personality. When we do create our profile, all we’re trying to do is get the woman to initiate first contact, and in order to do that she has to “get” you. She won’t “get” you if your profile goes in a dozen different directions.

If you need help figuring this out, browse the profiles of the women you’re interested in. What are they like, and what are they looking for? Wait, no. Do this before you write your profile, whether you feel like you need to or not. You’ll see why you need it when you write your “about me.”