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How NOT to Write an Online Dating Message

A female reader forwarded to me this incredible match.com message.

I just wanted to say 'thanks' for completely ignoring my previous email. It must be tough on you to have such an overinflated sense of self-importance. I guess being deluged with emails from guys who you think you are better than can get to be a hassle, huh? But you don't even have the courtesy to send back a polite 'no thanks?' I guess that's how you were raised. Best of luck to you in your search :)

Wow. The most entertaining thing is that this e-mail’s subject is “2nd attempt,” as if such an attack could be considered an “attempt” to win a woman over.

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Sounds like this guy could take my advice about rejection and online dating. In summary, there’s so much volume when dating online, that you can’t be expected to decline every offer you get, especially in big cities, like where this reader lives. Also, there are plenty of reasons why someone might not respond.

Women, especially high-quality women, get an incredible amount of winks and e-mails on online dating sites. I’ve heard some women describe managing it all as “like a full-time job.” So:

  • Don’t dwell on any one potential match whom you may or may not hear back from.
  • Communicate with lots of matches.
  • Don’t take it personally if some – or most – of them don’t respond. Not receiving a response to an e-mail is far less harsh than treatment you have probably received when attempting to approach a woman in physical space.

Got any no no communication tidbits you’ve received? Send them my way. I’ll keep you both anonymous.

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    Comments

  • I just want to know: Does this casanova taylor his 2nd attempt emails to each woman who ignores him or is this a form letter? Either way, he’s sure wasting a LOT of energy showing women how socially inept he is.
    Personally, I think this young lady should have accepted a date with him so she could reject him in public>:)

  • russruggles

    Hehe – yeah, I guess I hadn’t even considered that he may have sent that to *every* woman who didn’t respond. That’s dating life suicide right there.

  • That’s the kind of stuff that will get you on DateWrecks to warn the rest of us from bothering with you. ;)

  • While I agree that this particular message is an idiotic second message to send, I have actually had great success with sending a follow up message. In fact, I generally get as many women to respond to my follow up as I do to my initial one, despite it being a straight copy/paste. The success rate of getting them out on a date is slightly lower than if they were to respond to my first message (maybe 60% as compared to 90%), but definitely still worth doing. Is this something you’ve played with?

    In this message, I typically joke about their electricity going out and wonder if that is why they couldn’t respond, then tell them if they’re still looking to respond, and give them some characteristics.

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