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Match Winks: an Overview

I get a lot of questions from faithful readers about’s “Wink” feature. Is it okay to use? What do you do if someone winks at you? What if you wink at someone and they don’t wink back?

For the guys, let me summarize it with this photo:


Well, that’s really simplifying it, but I’ll get more into that in a second.

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  • This feature is intended to let a member show interest in another member without going too far “on a limb,” so to speak. GUYS, don’t EVER use this feature to show interest in a woman. I have yet to meet one who didn’t think that this was downright creepy.
  • However, it’s generally acceptable for women to use this feature. Much like in the “real” world, it’s up to the guys to do the heavy approaching.
  • Getting winks from women, is the preferred way to initiate contact. Huh? Yeah, you can make women who are interested wink at you by doing the “who’s viewed me” shuffle or using some tricks of the marketing trade. The best of which is to end your “about me” by telling them to wink at you.
  • Guys, once you do get a wink from a woman, don’t wink back. Write them a message. Preferably in one-line hook form.

In general, I’d say to the ladies: please do use this feature. It’s quick and easy, and you shouldn’t feel bad if you don’t get a message in response.

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  • Ugh, there is more then one way to do things. If you ask me, I’d say that waiting for women to wink at you is pathetically un aggressive.

    I’d also say that investing more then 10 minutes a day in composing messages to women whom have shown you no interest is a foolhardy endeavor, thus the wink.

    It allows to gauge if there is any possibility that she might be interested so you don’t waste your time composing a well thought out message that will just be deleted.

  • russruggles

    Tony, it’s pretty widely accepted that women prefer messages. So much so that says right in their emails “women prefer messages.”

    I’m not big on sending messages to women who have shown no interest either. That’s why I recommend the “Who’s Viewed Me Shuffle.” If a woman has looked at your profile, that is a small expression of interest.

    It’s my stance that *winking* is pathetically unagressive; and *strategic* first contact through messages is the way to go. Have you had success otherwise? Please share.

  • I agree that winking is lame. Get some balls. But wasting time on long emails doesn’t work either. I like your idea of a hook. One sentence to get some interest. Quick, but effective to find out if she wants to talk.

  • I did teh Shuffle and got two winks the next day. Very cool tip!

  • russruggles

    It sounds like it worked for you – I’m glad to hear it! Thanks for sharing.

  • Thanks for this note..I AGREE 100% .. winking is the equivalnet of honking your horn at a woman….:)

  • I guess I have to live in the minority and say, as a female, I don’t mind winks at all – online that is. Yes, it would be creepy to be having wine with friends and some guy winks at me from across the room. However, online I equate the wink with saying “hi”. I’m curious; would women find it less offensive if there was a “Hello” button rather than “wink”?

  • Ok, I was just curious about this whole winking thing because I just don’t know what to do with it. I get that it’s investment to write a message, but taking two seconds to comment about something in a girl’s profile shouldn’t be to hard. I’m just not going to respond to winks to because they haven’t drawn me in. Most of them I haven’t even bothered to look at their profile.

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