I get a lot of questions from faithful readers about Match.com’s “Wink” feature. Is it okay to use? What do you do if someone winks at you? What if you wink at someone and they don’t wink back?
For the guys, let me summarize it with this photo:
Well, that’s really simplifying it, but I’ll get more into that in a second. Keep reading »
Unless you live completely off the grid (though you probably wouldn’t be on this website), you probably buy things at one point or another. Whether you like it or not, your purchases are influenced by marketers. Someone identified you as a potential customer, developed a product that would appeal to your needs, identified the right price to sell it at and place to sell it, then advertised it to you. Some – or all – of the decisions along that chain influenced you to buy said product.
Dating is just like that, and when dating online, it’s more important than ever to be able to portray the interesting you. Online, attention spans are low, and number of options
at your potential mate’s fingertips are high. So, why reinvent the wheel? Marketers have been studying the art of “selling” things for years. Learn from what they know: Keep reading »
I came across something I hadn’t seen before: a woman’s profile who left her “body type” blank. Nuh uh, I said – you have to answer that one for me to consider you!
Of course, I know enough about looking out for the angles, that it’s hard to fool me when it comes to this question. But to me, it’s a self-confidence, and self-comfort issue if a woman doesn’t either answer this, or provide a clear body shot.
In general, do women sandbag in this category? This coule be a product of my aforementioned expertise, but in my experience, not really. Or, if they do, maybe I’ve just managed to adjust?
One of these days, I’ll get around to writing a well-thought-out post on actually going on dates, but until then, check out Seth’s post on questions to ask on a date, over at The Dating Papers. He’ll tell you about Flash Factor, Need Factor, and Trunk Factor. While you’re there, read all of the rest of his posts – he has the part from first date on down much better than I do!
Ross Felix, a commenter on David Evan’s blog, Online Dating Insider, brought up an excellent point:
Match.com 15 mil users / 1.32 million premium members = 91% of the people can’t reply to your email without upgrading their membership.
That’s right, if you didn’t get a response to the last message you sent out to another Match.com member, don’t take it personally: 91% of the users are unable to respond to you. Wow. I’m surprised it’s that high of a rate.
Maybe I’m surprised, because I know that if you try to get winks on Match.com first, and limit the energy you expend when you do write messages on Match.com, you will have much better odds. There may be a small percentage of members who can write you back, but Match is still the best dating site, IMO.
If, try as you might, you can’t get a lady interested enough to wink on match.com instead of writing messages, and there’s a special woman you’re set on contacting, I’ve got a tip for you. Nothing I’ve found works better than “the one-line hook.” This is a one-sentence question that is relevant to something in the profile that interests you, that “hooks” your target into responding.
Remember, when you are making first contact, you have one goal, and that is to get a response, which will show that she is, in fact, also interested in you (while also helping build that interest), and ready to get a follow-up message, and eventually go on a date.
Some one-line hooks that have worked for me include: Keep reading »
So an update on my progress with the match.com guarantee. My theory that, during the course of 6 months, someone is bound to have at least one love interest that makes them skimp on their end of the guarantee, has held up (your end is keeping an active profile, having a photo on your profile, and contacting at least 5 members a month). I did date one woman with whom things went so well that, after seeing her for several weeks, we became “official” and I deactivated my profile, thus forfeiting my chance at getting another 6 months free. When things ended up not working out a week later, as you can imagine, I was frustrated with that decision – but hey, it wouldn’t have been right to have my profile active, right? Keep reading »
I saw a smart comment on a thread on MetaFilter.com, regarding whether or not to date on Match.com.
…you will be busy with having coffee here, a glass of wine there, and trying out a new dessert bar at some other place. You’re meeting people, finding out more about them and yourself. Someone else in another part of your life meets you and thinks, “Hmmm. He seems pretty fun. He isn’t too intense or brooding at home on a Saturday night. He’s been to that funky new wine bar, the one I’ve wanted to check out….”
This is a great point. Personally, if I waited until I found someone worth dating in real life, I would probably go on a date a year. Once I was on that date, I wouldn’t know what I was doing. Even if you don’t meet your perfect mate from Match.com, it least it gets you out of the house, and gets you into practice so that you won’t be tongue-tied when you do finally meet “the one.”
While I’ve clearly come up with some good theories on online dating success, I still suffer from being very selective. Thus, with my latest Match.com subscription, I signed up for 6-months to get the “Make Love Happen” guarantee. It’s simple. If you don’t have a girlfriend by the end of 6-months, you get another 6-months free – which would actually probably feel pretty pathetic :P
There are some restrictions though:
My initial thought is that it’s pretty unlikely for a person to get through the whole thing without slipping up. Even if you don’t find a girlfriend by the end of 6 months, you’re bound to have one or two that you see for about 6-8 weeks, lose interest in Match.com, and thus wind up skipping a month and blowing the whole thing. Well, so far, I’m just starting out on month 4. I’ll keep you updated on my progress (or lack thereof, whichever is which).
It doesn’t matter how well you write your profile, if you don’t present yourself attractively with your profile photos, women won’t even get to the part of reading about you. Period. A good main profile photo will ensure that a match click’s through to see more when you do The “Who’s Viewed Me” Shuffle. But, whether you’re good-looking or not, the quality of the photo can make all of the difference. Poor lighting, “red-eye” or the wrong facial expression can all make even Adonis look more like Quasimodo. Your profile photo should be the best (recent) photo ever taken of you. Here’s some advice for getting the right main profile photo Keep reading »
So, you’ve browsed dozens of profiles, reading every last detail, and you’ve finally got your heart set on this one woman whom you’re sure is the woman of your dreams. You spend hours trying to craft the wittiest message that you can, and lo and behold – she never writes back. Now you’ve spent all of this time – and you’ve lost all of your confidence.
Don’t get too upset. Just because she didn’t write back doesn’t mean that she wasn’t interested. Keep in mind that only paid Match.com subscribers can read and reply to messages. So she may have a profile up, but no paid subscription.
The way to avoid situations like this, and to be in a more favorable position when first contact does occur, is to get her to make first contact – hopefully in the form of a “wink.” You do this by: Keep reading »
