Ask Russ: Someone Winked at Me – Are They a Match Member?

I got a good question via e-mail today:

I was reading your blog post about eliciting winks from gals on, and also the post pointing out that the majority of people with profiles aren’t actually members.  So my question is, when you receive a wink 1) how can you tell whether or not they are a member and 2) what is the best method to contact a “winker” if they aren’t a member?  Sending an email is pointless because they can’t read it or even know it was sent, so how to proceed?  I just signed up for Match recently and am still trying to get the hang of everything.

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If someone isn’t a member, you pretty much can’t contact them (unless you have the match add-on that allows you to know when a message has been read). Sometimes someone will put clues in their profile on how to contact them, but this is rare (and I don’t advocate this).

But, if you send a message to someone, and you see them re-appear in your “who’s viewed me,” it’s likely they’ve read your message. As you said, if they aren’t a member, they can’t even know that you’ve sent the message, so they are less likely to go back to your profile.

Getting winks is a tricky situation. It’s not uncommon to get a wink from a girl, write a great response message, and hear nothing back from them. I can only guess that this is mostly women who aren’t members.

And, as always, guys don’t wink.


  • I have a question but it’s more a technical site related one so I hope you don’t mind answering. Say I’ve emailed a girl at some point, but later on decided to change my username for whatever reason, will they still be able to respond to my email even if I had changed my username? I’m just concerned that change may affect the url, link or something.

  • I’ve tried to change my profile name in at one time and it wouldn’t let me change it. Seems it’s linked to your email account so the only way to change at the time (about 4 years ago) appeared to set up a new account with a different email address.

  • hi, rr. I get winks from guys. is that weird? what does it mean, and what’s the best response if I like them? I’m new!

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