Writing an online dating profile is the most daunting part of online dating; but there’s little else so critical to your success. Since it is such a challenge, it’s no surpise that many profiles are clearly given very little thought – either by being incredibly short, non-descript, or downright cliché.

It’s no wonder why so many profiles begin to the tune of “it’s so hard to write about yourself,” but understanding yourself well enough to create a profile that represents you well is a healthy process. With a little guidance, your online dating profile can stand out from the millions of others to present the interesting you. A well-written profile will not only ensure that you receive responses when you make first contact; but will attract and motivate potential matches into contacting you – making your online dating experience easier, more enjoyable, and more successful. Continue reading ‘How to write an online dating profile’ »


So, you’ve mined the conversation nuggets from your target’s profile, you’ve sent short, funny, and brilliant one-line hook, and boom, you’ve gotten a response. Now what? This is a very critical point in the online dating process, but this is the final step before meeting in person. This is “the kill,” if you will: the second message with an online dating prospect.

A high-value woman has an incredible volume of messages to manage. The fact you’ve gotten a response speaks to your online dating acumen. But because this woman has such volume to manage, you can’t waste time. You need to meet her as soon as possible. Additionally, you want to ensure that she is who you think she is without investing more time. So, you should have two goals for this online dating message: maintain interest, and secure a date. Continue reading ‘Follow-up Online Dating Message Advice’ »


A female reader forwarded to me this incredible match.com message.

I just wanted to say 'thanks' for completely ignoring my previous email. It must be tough on you to have such an overinflated sense of self-importance. I guess being deluged with emails from guys who you think you are better than can get to be a hassle, huh? But you don't even have the courtesy to send back a polite 'no thanks?' I guess that's how you were raised. Best of luck to you in your search :)

Wow. The most entertaining thing is that this e-mail’s subject is “2nd attempt,” as if such an attack could be considered an “attempt” to win a woman over. Continue reading ‘How NOT to Write an Online Dating Message’ »


There’s one very simple piece of advice you can follow to improve your online dating profile, and profile photos, and online dating messages tremendously: inject all of them with as many conversation nuggets as you possibly can.

  • What is a conversation nugget? Simply, something specific and potentially interesting that can be the subject of a conversation.
  • How can I start using conversation nuggets? For everything you have in your profile, photos, or messages, ask yourself “how could this start a conversation?”
    • Instead of the photo of you with a bunch of random friends, share the photo of you drinking a gigantic beer at Oktoberfest.
    • Instead of saying in your profile that you like Indian Food, name which restaurant is your favorite. Instead of saying that you’re thinking of getting a dog, say what breed you plan to get and why. Better yet, pose the question right in your profile: “should I get a Beagle or a Boston Terrier?”
    • Instead of sending a message to a match asking her about her proclaimed nutrition expertise, tell her you just ate a bunch of broccoli, and you swear you can feel the detoxifying enzymes in your body ask, “is this possible?” in one-line hook form.

Continue reading ‘Conversation Nuggets in Online Dating’ »

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I got a really great question from one of you folks about rejection.

I don’t like rejection, either receiving or dishing it out, but the latter a lot more so. If a woman winks and you’re not interested how should you deal with it?  Click “not interested”, send a message or just ignore it?

What about if you get to date level and you’re not interested?  Do you tell them there and then? Message them later? You were talking about doing 2-3 dates a week if you can, but that’s a lot of dishing out rejections.  How do you do that without just hurting a lot of people?  I’ve had one date of match and having to tell her not interested afterwards made me avoid the site for a while afterwards!

First of all, I don’t know if anyone likes rejecting people – or being rejected for that matter, but it’s a fact of life. Here’s a few guidelines.

  • Online, just ignore. In my experience, it’s perfectly acceptable on Match.com to just ignore the winks and messages of those you aren’t interested in. In my many years using the site, I’ve only gotten the “not interested” a couple of times – but I’ve been ignored plenty of times! Keep in mind that there are tons of reasons why someone may not respond; and if it’s because they aren’t interested, don’t fret, you weren’t compatible anyway. Some people are more comfortable sending the “not interested,” and that’s perfectly acceptable too – if you’re comfortable with it.
  • Manage expectations. Make it very clear that you are really actively dating, and that you’re determined to find just what you’re looking for. You don’t have to say this explicitly, though. I like to bring up the topic of our experiences with the site, trading stories a bit. This can make them less likely to assume that you’ll be interested. And if you are interested, it will make you more desirable to show that you’re active. This works better in the larger cities, where there is a larger pool, and it’s fairly obvious that there won’t be a second date unless there’s a pretty strong spark.
  • Open a dialogue. Sometimes, even when I am interested, I like to say something like “hmm…so, what do you think of this?” to open up a dialogue so we can openly share with each other our observations. Be open about what you see as good, and what has you wondering. If you’re lighthearted about it, it can actually make the date more comfortable.
  • Don’t look at it as rejection. Usually, it’s pretty obvious to both parties early on if it isn’t going to work out. Sometimes, “it’s not me or you – it’s us.” You should never feel bad about yourself if someone isn’t interested in you. Ultimately, you want someone who excites you, and who is excited about you – and you should never settle for less than that.

Honestly, if someone doesn’t have a grasp of what I think is usually fairly obvious, I have given, and received, the notorious “I’ll call you.” Everyone hates this, but these days everyone gets the picture. I personally think this, or simply not returning calls, is okay if things haven’t progressed…um…physically (when dating online). Beyond that, you do need to be open and honest: if you’ve gotten that far, then hopefully you have clear communication.

So, there’s my take on it, but I know opinions will differ. I’m really interested to hear what you guys think?

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Here’s a video demonstrating the “Who’s Viewed Me” Shuffle, a Match.com searching technique that will get women to wink at you, thus conserving your resources and getting her to express interest in you. This puts you in a more favorable position when writing that first message.


I get a lot of questions from faithful readers about Match.com’s “Wink” feature. Is it okay to use? What do you do if someone winks at you? What if you wink at someone and they don’t wink back?

For the guys, let me summarize it with this photo:


Well, that’s really simplifying it, but I’ll get more into that in a second. Continue reading ‘Match Winks: an Overview’ »