Instant Messaging is great. You can chat with a number of friends, all at the same time, while doing work, watching TV, or reading on the web.

Admittedly, I honed my online dating chops, chatting with random girls on AOL in the late 90’s. There’s something great about talking in real-time, but still getting to think about what you’re going to say next.

So, since IMing is so great, pretty much every online dating site – including – has an Instant Messaging feature. It makes perfect sense, right? So, what’s the best way to use this feature to get dates online. Continue reading ‘Instant Messaging tips for online dating’ »

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So, you’ve mined the conversation nuggets from your target’s profile, you’ve sent short, funny, and brilliant one-line hook, and boom, you’ve gotten a response. Now what? This is a very critical point in the online dating process, but this is the final step before meeting in person. This is “the kill,” if you will: the second message with an online dating prospect.

A high-value woman has an incredible volume of messages to manage. The fact you’ve gotten a response speaks to your online dating acumen. But because this woman has such volume to manage, you can’t waste time. You need to meet her as soon as possible. Additionally, you want to ensure that she is who you think she is without investing more time. So, you should have two goals for this online dating message: maintain interest, and secure a date. Continue reading ‘Follow-up Online Dating Message Advice’ »


OkCupid has conducted an interesting study regarding response rates based upon specific key words used in opening online dating messages.

Pretty fascinating, huh?

Continue reading ‘What to say in a first online dating message’ »

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A female reader forwarded to me this incredible message.

I just wanted to say 'thanks' for completely ignoring my previous email. It must be tough on you to have such an overinflated sense of self-importance. I guess being deluged with emails from guys who you think you are better than can get to be a hassle, huh? But you don't even have the courtesy to send back a polite 'no thanks?' I guess that's how you were raised. Best of luck to you in your search :)

Wow. The most entertaining thing is that this e-mail’s subject is “2nd attempt,” as if such an attack could be considered an “attempt” to win a woman over. Continue reading ‘How NOT to Write an Online Dating Message’ »


There’s one very simple piece of advice you can follow to improve your online dating profile, and profile photos, and online dating messages tremendously: inject all of them with as many conversation nuggets as you possibly can.

  • What is a conversation nugget? Simply, something specific and potentially interesting that can be the subject of a conversation.
  • How can I start using conversation nuggets? For everything you have in your profile, photos, or messages, ask yourself “how could this start a conversation?”
    • Instead of the photo of you with a bunch of random friends, share the photo of you drinking a gigantic beer at Oktoberfest.
    • Instead of saying in your profile that you like Indian Food, name which restaurant is your favorite. Instead of saying that you’re thinking of getting a dog, say what breed you plan to get and why. Better yet, pose the question right in your profile: “should I get a Beagle or a Boston Terrier?”
    • Instead of sending a message to a match asking her about her proclaimed nutrition expertise, tell her you just ate a bunch of broccoli, and you swear you can feel the detoxifying enzymes in your body ask, “is this possible?” in one-line hook form.

Continue reading ‘Conversation Nuggets in Online Dating’ »

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Here’s a video demonstrating the “Who’s Viewed Me” Shuffle, a searching technique that will get women to wink at you, thus conserving your resources and getting her to express interest in you. This puts you in a more favorable position when writing that first message.


I get a lot of questions from faithful readers about’s “Wink” feature. Is it okay to use? What do you do if someone winks at you? What if you wink at someone and they don’t wink back?

For the guys, let me summarize it with this photo:


Well, that’s really simplifying it, but I’ll get more into that in a second. Continue reading ‘Match Winks: an Overview’ »


If, try as you might, you can’t get a lady interested enough to wink on instead of writing messages, and there’s a special woman you’re set on contacting, I’ve got a tip for you. Nothing I’ve found works better than “the one-line hook.” This is a one-sentence question that is relevant to something in the profile that interests you, that “hooks” your target into responding.

Remember, when you are making first contact, you have one goal, and that is to get a response, which will show that she is, in fact, also interested in you (while also helping build that interest), and ready to get a follow-up message, and eventually go on a date.

Some one-line hooks that have worked for me include: Continue reading ‘Online Dating Messages: The One-Line Hook’ »


So, you’ve browsed dozens of profiles, reading every last detail, and you’ve finally got your heart set on this one woman whom you’re sure is the woman of your dreams. You spend hours trying to craft the wittiest message that you can, and lo and behold – she never writes back. Now you’ve spent all of this time – and you’ve lost all of your confidence.

Don’t get too upset. Just because she didn’t write back doesn’t mean that she wasn’t interested. Keep in mind that only paid subscribers can read and reply to messages. So she may have a profile up, but no paid subscription.

The way to avoid situations like this, and to be in a more favorable position when first contact does occur, is to get her to make first contact – hopefully in the form of a “wink.” You do this by: Continue reading ‘Don’t Write Messages on – Get Winks!’ »


The trick to having a successful first contact with a potential match is getting her to contact you first; and for her to decide to contact you, she has to see you first. So, what I like to do is make a point of clicking through to alot of (attractive) women’s profiles – even if I don’t read them, so that I show up in their “who’s viewed me.” I know from experience that women check this pretty often, and I’ve even talked to some who only use that feature to find matches – they never search.

So, by showing up in her “who’s viewed me,” you give your dream woman a chance to make first contact: preferably a “wink.” Soon, you’ll at least see her in your “who’s viewed me.” Unless you are really strongly attracted to her at this point, if she hasn’t initiated first contact by now, it’s best to move on, because: Continue reading ‘The “Who’s Viewed Me” Shuffle’ »

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