You may have noticed a brand-new feature on today. It’s called “VIP mail.” Basically, it’s a “special” message that you can only send once per week. The idea being that whomever you send it to will be impressed and flattered.

Funny thing is, when you start composing a VIP mail, they show you some tips on the side for writing a great message, and one of those tips, illustrates exactly why you shouldn’t use this feature. Continue reading ‘’s VIP Mail, and Why You Shouldn’t Use It’ »


If you want to have any success in online dating, you’d better have good profile photos. No matter how well you’ve written your online dating profile, having good photos will make sure more matches click through to your profile, give you winks, respond to your messages, and ultimately date you. So, here’s why your photos won’t do those things for you. Continue reading ‘7 Reasons Your Online Dating Profile Photo Sucks’ »

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Writing an online dating profile is the most daunting part of online dating; but there’s little else so critical to your success. Since it is such a challenge, it’s no surpise that many profiles are clearly given very little thought – either by being incredibly short, non-descript, or downright cliché.

It’s no wonder why so many profiles begin to the tune of “it’s so hard to write about yourself,” but understanding yourself well enough to create a profile that represents you well is a healthy process. With a little guidance, your online dating profile can stand out from the millions of others to present the interesting you. A well-written profile will not only ensure that you receive responses when you make first contact; but will attract and motivate potential matches into contacting you – making your online dating experience easier, more enjoyable, and more successful. Continue reading ‘How to write an online dating profile’ »


A female reader forwarded to me this incredible message.

I just wanted to say 'thanks' for completely ignoring my previous email. It must be tough on you to have such an overinflated sense of self-importance. I guess being deluged with emails from guys who you think you are better than can get to be a hassle, huh? But you don't even have the courtesy to send back a polite 'no thanks?' I guess that's how you were raised. Best of luck to you in your search :)

Wow. The most entertaining thing is that this e-mail’s subject is “2nd attempt,” as if such an attack could be considered an “attempt” to win a woman over. Continue reading ‘How NOT to Write an Online Dating Message’ »


There’s one very simple piece of advice you can follow to improve your online dating profile, and profile photos, and online dating messages tremendously: inject all of them with as many conversation nuggets as you possibly can.

  • What is a conversation nugget? Simply, something specific and potentially interesting that can be the subject of a conversation.
  • How can I start using conversation nuggets? For everything you have in your profile, photos, or messages, ask yourself “how could this start a conversation?”
    • Instead of the photo of you with a bunch of random friends, share the photo of you drinking a gigantic beer at Oktoberfest.
    • Instead of saying in your profile that you like Indian Food, name which restaurant is your favorite. Instead of saying that you’re thinking of getting a dog, say what breed you plan to get and why. Better yet, pose the question right in your profile: “should I get a Beagle or a Boston Terrier?”
    • Instead of sending a message to a match asking her about her proclaimed nutrition expertise, tell her you just ate a bunch of broccoli, and you swear you can feel the detoxifying enzymes in your body ask, “is this possible?” in one-line hook form.

Continue reading ‘Conversation Nuggets in Online Dating’ »

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I got a really great question from one of you folks about rejection.

I don’t like rejection, either receiving or dishing it out, but the latter a lot more so. If a woman winks and you’re not interested how should you deal with it?  Click “not interested”, send a message or just ignore it?

What about if you get to date level and you’re not interested?  Do you tell them there and then? Message them later? You were talking about doing 2-3 dates a week if you can, but that’s a lot of dishing out rejections.  How do you do that without just hurting a lot of people?  I’ve had one date of match and having to tell her not interested afterwards made me avoid the site for a while afterwards!

First of all, I don’t know if anyone likes rejecting people – or being rejected for that matter, but it’s a fact of life. Here’s a few guidelines.

  • Online, just ignore. In my experience, it’s perfectly acceptable on to just ignore the winks and messages of those you aren’t interested in. In my many years using the site, I’ve only gotten the “not interested” a couple of times – but I’ve been ignored plenty of times! Keep in mind that there are tons of reasons why someone may not respond; and if it’s because they aren’t interested, don’t fret, you weren’t compatible anyway. Some people are more comfortable sending the “not interested,” and that’s perfectly acceptable too – if you’re comfortable with it.
  • Manage expectations. Make it very clear that you are really actively dating, and that you’re determined to find just what you’re looking for. You don’t have to say this explicitly, though. I like to bring up the topic of our experiences with the site, trading stories a bit. This can make them less likely to assume that you’ll be interested. And if you are interested, it will make you more desirable to show that you’re active. This works better in the larger cities, where there is a larger pool, and it’s fairly obvious that there won’t be a second date unless there’s a pretty strong spark.
  • Open a dialogue. Sometimes, even when I am interested, I like to say something like “hmm…so, what do you think of this?” to open up a dialogue so we can openly share with each other our observations. Be open about what you see as good, and what has you wondering. If you’re lighthearted about it, it can actually make the date more comfortable.
  • Don’t look at it as rejection. Usually, it’s pretty obvious to both parties early on if it isn’t going to work out. Sometimes, “it’s not me or you – it’s us.” You should never feel bad about yourself if someone isn’t interested in you. Ultimately, you want someone who excites you, and who is excited about you – and you should never settle for less than that.

Honestly, if someone doesn’t have a grasp of what I think is usually fairly obvious, I have given, and received, the notorious “I’ll call you.” Everyone hates this, but these days everyone gets the picture. I personally think this, or simply not returning calls, is okay if things haven’t progressed…um…physically (when dating online). Beyond that, you do need to be open and honest: if you’ve gotten that far, then hopefully you have clear communication.

So, there’s my take on it, but I know opinions will differ. I’m really interested to hear what you guys think?

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Here’s a video demonstrating the “Who’s Viewed Me” Shuffle, a searching technique that will get women to wink at you, thus conserving your resources and getting her to express interest in you. This puts you in a more favorable position when writing that first message.


I get a lot of questions from faithful readers about’s “Wink” feature. Is it okay to use? What do you do if someone winks at you? What if you wink at someone and they don’t wink back?

For the guys, let me summarize it with this photo:


Well, that’s really simplifying it, but I’ll get more into that in a second. Continue reading ‘Match Winks: an Overview’ »


Ross Felix, a commenter on David Evan’s blog, Online Dating Insider, brought up an excellent point: 15 mil users / 1.32 million premium members = 91% of the people can’t reply to your email without upgrading their membership.

That’s right, if you didn’t get a response to the last message you sent out to another member, don’t take it personally: 91% of the users are unable to respond to you. Wow. I’m surprised it’s that high of a rate.

Maybe I’m surprised, because I know that if you try to get winks on first, and limit the energy you expend when you do write messages on, you will have much better odds. There may be a small percentage of members who can write you back, but Match is still the best dating site, IMO.

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If, try as you might, you can’t get a lady interested enough to wink on instead of writing messages, and there’s a special woman you’re set on contacting, I’ve got a tip for you. Nothing I’ve found works better than “the one-line hook.” This is a one-sentence question that is relevant to something in the profile that interests you, that “hooks” your target into responding.

Remember, when you are making first contact, you have one goal, and that is to get a response, which will show that she is, in fact, also interested in you (while also helping build that interest), and ready to get a follow-up message, and eventually go on a date.

Some one-line hooks that have worked for me include: Continue reading ‘Online Dating Messages: The One-Line Hook’ »


It doesn’t matter how well you write your profile, if you don’t present yourself attractively with your profile photos, women won’t even get to the part of reading about you. Period. A good main profile photo will ensure that a match click’s through to see more when you do The “Who’s Viewed Me” Shuffle. But, whether you’re good-looking or not, the quality of the photo can make all of the difference. Poor lighting, “red-eye” or the wrong facial expression can all make even Adonis look more like Quasimodo. Your profile photo should be the best (recent) photo ever taken of you. Here’s some advice for getting the right main profile photo Continue reading ‘ profile photo tips’ »

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So, you’ve browsed dozens of profiles, reading every last detail, and you’ve finally got your heart set on this one woman whom you’re sure is the woman of your dreams. You spend hours trying to craft the wittiest message that you can, and lo and behold – she never writes back. Now you’ve spent all of this time – and you’ve lost all of your confidence.

Don’t get too upset. Just because she didn’t write back doesn’t mean that she wasn’t interested. Keep in mind that only paid subscribers can read and reply to messages. So she may have a profile up, but no paid subscription.

The way to avoid situations like this, and to be in a more favorable position when first contact does occur, is to get her to make first contact – hopefully in the form of a “wink.” You do this by: Continue reading ‘Don’t Write Messages on – Get Winks!’ »


The trick to having a successful first contact with a potential match is getting her to contact you first; and for her to decide to contact you, she has to see you first. So, what I like to do is make a point of clicking through to alot of (attractive) women’s profiles – even if I don’t read them, so that I show up in their “who’s viewed me.” I know from experience that women check this pretty often, and I’ve even talked to some who only use that feature to find matches – they never search.

So, by showing up in her “who’s viewed me,” you give your dream woman a chance to make first contact: preferably a “wink.” Soon, you’ll at least see her in your “who’s viewed me.” Unless you are really strongly attracted to her at this point, if she hasn’t initiated first contact by now, it’s best to move on, because: Continue reading ‘The “Who’s Viewed Me” Shuffle’ »

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There are few prospects more daunting than summing yourself up in a few hundred words on an online dating profile. Look around at enough women’s profiles, and you’re sure to see something to the effect of “it’s so hard to write about myself” time and time again. Some won’t even bother trying and will settle for a couple short sentences. Many who do write a profile end up with one rife with clichés A beautiful woman can certainly get away with this, and writing about yourself is difficult, but unfortunately guys, you can’t take the same route.

This is one of the reasons you shouldn’t write the “About me” section of your profile about you. You should write it about your dream woman – in the second person. Continue reading ‘Writing the “About Me” Section of Your Profile’ »