Talk to anyone who has dated online, and they will tell you that they encounter lying in dating profiles. Men will lie about their height, and women will do what it takes to appear more slim. It turns out, these people are onto something. Continue reading ‘Why You Should Lie in Your Online Dating Profile’ »


I got a good question via e-mail today:

I was reading your blog post about eliciting winks from gals on, and also the post pointing out that the majority of people with profiles aren’t actually members.  So my question is, when you receive a wink 1) how can you tell whether or not they are a member and 2) what is the best method to contact a “winker” if they aren’t a member?  Sending an email is pointless because they can’t read it or even know it was sent, so how to proceed?  I just signed up for Match recently and am still trying to get the hang of everything.

Continue reading ‘Ask Russ: Someone Winked at Me – Are They a Match Member?’ »


Because smart folks know that you have a better chance of getting a response if you message members who are active in the past 24 hours. So, they sort by “Activity Date” (just like you hopefully do when you do the who’s viewed me shuffle). So, if you show up as “active within 24 hours,” you’re more likely to show up in other member’s search results, and more likely to get messages and get winks.

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If you want to have any success in online dating, you’d better have good profile photos. No matter how well you’ve written your online dating profile, having good photos will make sure more matches click through to your profile, give you winks, respond to your messages, and ultimately date you. So, here’s why your photos won’t do those things for you. Continue reading ‘7 Reasons Your Online Dating Profile Photo Sucks’ »

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I’ve told you plenty about what you should do with your online dating profile; but here’s some don’ts. These mostly apply to the guys, but ladies, watch out for some of this stuff, too. Continue reading ‘Top 10 Mistakes in Online Dating Profiles’ »


Writing an online dating profile is the most daunting part of online dating; but there’s little else so critical to your success. Since it is such a challenge, it’s no surpise that many profiles are clearly given very little thought – either by being incredibly short, non-descript, or downright cliché.

It’s no wonder why so many profiles begin to the tune of “it’s so hard to write about yourself,” but understanding yourself well enough to create a profile that represents you well is a healthy process. With a little guidance, your online dating profile can stand out from the millions of others to present the interesting you. A well-written profile will not only ensure that you receive responses when you make first contact; but will attract and motivate potential matches into contacting you – making your online dating experience easier, more enjoyable, and more successful. Continue reading ‘How to write an online dating profile’ »


So, you’ve mined the conversation nuggets from your target’s profile, you’ve sent short, funny, and brilliant one-line hook, and boom, you’ve gotten a response. Now what? This is a very critical point in the online dating process, but this is the final step before meeting in person. This is “the kill,” if you will: the second message with an online dating prospect.

A high-value woman has an incredible volume of messages to manage. The fact you’ve gotten a response speaks to your online dating acumen. But because this woman has such volume to manage, you can’t waste time. You need to meet her as soon as possible. Additionally, you want to ensure that she is who you think she is without investing more time. So, you should have two goals for this online dating message: maintain interest, and secure a date. Continue reading ‘Follow-up Online Dating Message Advice’ »


OkCupid has conducted an interesting study regarding response rates based upon specific key words used in opening online dating messages.

Pretty fascinating, huh?

Continue reading ‘What to say in a first online dating message’ »

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A female reader forwarded to me this incredible message.

I just wanted to say 'thanks' for completely ignoring my previous email. It must be tough on you to have such an overinflated sense of self-importance. I guess being deluged with emails from guys who you think you are better than can get to be a hassle, huh? But you don't even have the courtesy to send back a polite 'no thanks?' I guess that's how you were raised. Best of luck to you in your search :)

Wow. The most entertaining thing is that this e-mail’s subject is “2nd attempt,” as if such an attack could be considered an “attempt” to win a woman over. Continue reading ‘How NOT to Write an Online Dating Message’ »


There’s one very simple piece of advice you can follow to improve your online dating profile, and profile photos, and online dating messages tremendously: inject all of them with as many conversation nuggets as you possibly can.

  • What is a conversation nugget? Simply, something specific and potentially interesting that can be the subject of a conversation.
  • How can I start using conversation nuggets? For everything you have in your profile, photos, or messages, ask yourself “how could this start a conversation?”
    • Instead of the photo of you with a bunch of random friends, share the photo of you drinking a gigantic beer at Oktoberfest.
    • Instead of saying in your profile that you like Indian Food, name which restaurant is your favorite. Instead of saying that you’re thinking of getting a dog, say what breed you plan to get and why. Better yet, pose the question right in your profile: “should I get a Beagle or a Boston Terrier?”
    • Instead of sending a message to a match asking her about her proclaimed nutrition expertise, tell her you just ate a bunch of broccoli, and you swear you can feel the detoxifying enzymes in your body ask, “is this possible?” in one-line hook form.

Continue reading ‘Conversation Nuggets in Online Dating’ »

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I got a really great question from one of you folks about rejection.

I don’t like rejection, either receiving or dishing it out, but the latter a lot more so. If a woman winks and you’re not interested how should you deal with it?  Click “not interested”, send a message or just ignore it?

What about if you get to date level and you’re not interested?  Do you tell them there and then? Message them later? You were talking about doing 2-3 dates a week if you can, but that’s a lot of dishing out rejections.  How do you do that without just hurting a lot of people?  I’ve had one date of match and having to tell her not interested afterwards made me avoid the site for a while afterwards!

First of all, I don’t know if anyone likes rejecting people – or being rejected for that matter, but it’s a fact of life. Here’s a few guidelines.

  • Online, just ignore. In my experience, it’s perfectly acceptable on to just ignore the winks and messages of those you aren’t interested in. In my many years using the site, I’ve only gotten the “not interested” a couple of times – but I’ve been ignored plenty of times! Keep in mind that there are tons of reasons why someone may not respond; and if it’s because they aren’t interested, don’t fret, you weren’t compatible anyway. Some people are more comfortable sending the “not interested,” and that’s perfectly acceptable too – if you’re comfortable with it.
  • Manage expectations. Make it very clear that you are really actively dating, and that you’re determined to find just what you’re looking for. You don’t have to say this explicitly, though. I like to bring up the topic of our experiences with the site, trading stories a bit. This can make them less likely to assume that you’ll be interested. And if you are interested, it will make you more desirable to show that you’re active. This works better in the larger cities, where there is a larger pool, and it’s fairly obvious that there won’t be a second date unless there’s a pretty strong spark.
  • Open a dialogue. Sometimes, even when I am interested, I like to say something like “hmm…so, what do you think of this?” to open up a dialogue so we can openly share with each other our observations. Be open about what you see as good, and what has you wondering. If you’re lighthearted about it, it can actually make the date more comfortable.
  • Don’t look at it as rejection. Usually, it’s pretty obvious to both parties early on if it isn’t going to work out. Sometimes, “it’s not me or you – it’s us.” You should never feel bad about yourself if someone isn’t interested in you. Ultimately, you want someone who excites you, and who is excited about you – and you should never settle for less than that.

Honestly, if someone doesn’t have a grasp of what I think is usually fairly obvious, I have given, and received, the notorious “I’ll call you.” Everyone hates this, but these days everyone gets the picture. I personally think this, or simply not returning calls, is okay if things haven’t progressed…um…physically (when dating online). Beyond that, you do need to be open and honest: if you’ve gotten that far, then hopefully you have clear communication.

So, there’s my take on it, but I know opinions will differ. I’m really interested to hear what you guys think?

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Able to get a response to your online dating e-mails, but don’t know what to do next? I’ll talk about that in this video:

Note that I talk about the one-line hook for writing a great first online dating message.

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Here’s a video demonstrating the “Who’s Viewed Me” Shuffle, a searching technique that will get women to wink at you, thus conserving your resources and getting her to express interest in you. This puts you in a more favorable position when writing that first message.


I get a lot of questions from faithful readers about’s “Wink” feature. Is it okay to use? What do you do if someone winks at you? What if you wink at someone and they don’t wink back?

For the guys, let me summarize it with this photo:


Well, that’s really simplifying it, but I’ll get more into that in a second. Continue reading ‘Match Winks: an Overview’ »


Ross Felix, a commenter on David Evan’s blog, Online Dating Insider, brought up an excellent point: 15 mil users / 1.32 million premium members = 91% of the people can’t reply to your email without upgrading their membership.

That’s right, if you didn’t get a response to the last message you sent out to another member, don’t take it personally: 91% of the users are unable to respond to you. Wow. I’m surprised it’s that high of a rate.

Maybe I’m surprised, because I know that if you try to get winks on first, and limit the energy you expend when you do write messages on, you will have much better odds. There may be a small percentage of members who can write you back, but Match is still the best dating site, IMO.

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