eHarmony Profile Advice for the Most Interesting Man (or Woman) in the World

My friend Gabe was striking out.

His eHarmony profile had been up for months, and he couldn’t get a date!

Gabe was discouraged that no one had shown interest. He was beginning to feel like eHarmony was a waste of time.

But before giving up, Gabe came to me for some eHarmony advice. He showed me his profile, and I could see why it wasn’t working.

So what was he doing wrong?

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The Problem is That eHarmony Profiles Need More Flair

Gabe’s personality was missing from his profile!

His answers to the eHarmony profile questions didn’t paint a picture of what kind of guy Gabe was. He sounded boring and forgettable.

That’s a big problem, especially on eHarmony. Why?

First, eHarmony doesn’t give users a lot of matches, so a boring profile lowers your odds even more. That’s because the eHarmony Compatibility Matching System only gives you highly compatible matches. That’s a nice feature, but it also means that you get fewer matches than you would on other dating sites. And if your profile doesn’t sound interesting, those precious few matches can decline, or “close” on, you before you can even say hello.

Second, a boring profile lowers your chances of going on an actual date. eHarmony uses a “guided communication” process, in which matches start by sending each other multiple choice questions. Slowly the communication builds up to the “open communication” stage. A match might lose interest based on one multiple choice question if she has little else to go on. So, better keep that profile interesting!

I knew my friend Gabe was anything but boring and forgettable. And he was pretty successful on other dating sites.

So why was his eHarmony profile so boring?

The Two Reasons Why Your Profile Doesn’t Have Enough Flair

There are a couple of reasons why your eHarmony profile isn’t interesting.

First, eHarmony questions can breed boring answers. The site attracts a more mature, more serious audience, so the questions focus on core values. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but a focus on core values means less opportunity to be light, funny, and playful.

Second, it’s common to take eHarmony questions literally and not be more creative. Who’s the most influential person in your life? It might be your dad, but people won’t remember that answer. An answer like “Larry David”, on the other hand, is far more memorable. (And if a girl doesn’t like Seinfeld, she’s probably not marriage material anyway…)

So what can you do about a boring eHarmony profile?

Inject Personality into Your Profile to Get More Dates!

Once Gabe realized his profile needed to reflect his personality, he rewrote his profile…

Suddenly, he was getting tons of interest!

He was going on so many dates that he started using queue management, an engineering technique, to keep up with his dating life.

Gabe said it felt great to finally get results, but he was most excited by one match in particular: “She’s the best girl I’ve ever dated, times 100!” They’ve been together for more than a year.

So why does this approach work so well?

For one thing, if your profile is interesting, people will be intrigued and you’ll get more messages.

Consider a question like “The most important thing I am looking for in a person is”. A boring answer would be something like “I am looking for somebody who’s funny and adventurous.”

Do you see any personality sparkling through in that answer? Because I sure don’t.

Here’s an answer to the same question from a more interesting profile: “If you’re up for hopping on a last-minute flight to South America with me and would have a good sense of humor if the flight gets delayed, we’re all set.”

Factually, both answers are pretty similar. But isn’t the last one easier to start a conversation with?

Injecting personality into your profile also gives people a better idea of what you’re really like, which means you’ll get more compatible matches. After all, no one wants to waste money on a string of bad dates. Everyone wants that “best girl times 100” feeling.

So how can you write a more interesting profile?

eHarmony Advice: How to Give Your Profile a Sparkling Personality

You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggonit, people like you!

So let’s look at how to give your profile a sparkling personality, just like yours.

  1. Take time to answer the profile questions. In other words, don’t write your answers after filling out eHarmony’s monster registration survey! Instead, copy the questions into a Word document. That way you can give it some real thought, and you won’t have to write in tiny boxes, hit save all the time, or worry about computer crashes.
  2. If you can’t think of a good answer, skip the question. You don’t have to answer every question.
  3. Write a first draft in a conversational tone, like you’re talking to a friend. Keep it light, funny, and honest. Don’t hold back your creativity and personality just because you love something someone else might hate.
  4. Don’t answer eHarmony profile questions too literally. What are five things you can’t live without? If your answer is “food, shelter, water, air, and sun”, it may be true, but it’s also boring and forgettable. Instead, take every opportunity to inject your personality into your profile. An answer like “rock climbing, Tom Petty, habanero salsa, my guitar, and The Walking Dead” is far more interesting.
  5. Be specific. Instead of saying you “enjoy being outdoors”, you could say you take your Golden Retriever, Sandy, on daily runs in City Park. That gives potential matches starting points like “I had a Golden Retriever as a kid” or “I love running, too!” The more you can “thin the ice” with conversation nuggets, the more approachable you’ll be.
  6. Frame your answers inside your job or hobby. Scott Valdez of says one way to answer boring eHarmony questions is to frame the answers inside your job or something you like to do. He points to one sample user who answered the “other than your appearance, what do people notice about you” question like this: “If you work the early morning shift at my gym, you know I’m one of the first ones in the door. Swimming is part of my daily routine. Yes, I swim in a Speedo. No, I don’t wear it in public. ;)”
  7. Write a call to action. To give matches another easy conversation starter, include a call to action. For example, in the “a little more about you” section, you could say something like, “I’m looking for a great Mexican food restaurant, if you know of any, send me a message!”
  8. Review your profile. Is it interesting? Could you start a conversation with someone based on this profile? Also, make sure that the first answer really pulls you in. Since eHarmony orders your answers at random, all your answers have to pull people in! But even the heaviest question can be made light and fun. For example, if your answer to “one thing I’m most passionate about” appears first, that’s too heavy for an introduction! I’d lighten things up by saying, “To answer something like that honestly and sincerely at the start is a bit much! But one thing I really enjoy is…”

Finally, make ongoing revisions. Pay attention to what people mention when they contact you. Maybe you expect them to ask about your unbelievable fantasy football record, but they never do. That means it’s probably not as interesting as you think!


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Posted by: on Oct 16th, 2012
In: eHarmony Advice
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